...well, isn't that the case with everyone? You never know what's in anyone's heart. Not really. All you ever really know is what they say and what you think of that.
[...]
It's funny, isn't it? Senji never said it at all, but I never doubted that he loved me, even a little. Isley says it all the time, but I can never be sure.
Well.. I try not to spend much time thinking about it. I don't want to wear myself down with things I can't control.
But you know what?
[She lifts her head a little.]
I do feel a little better these days. I was sad for so long... well. I guess I'm still a little sad. But he does make me feel better most of the time, and even when he doesn't, it's more... being annoyed than being down, and that's much better.
[She hates him. She really, really does. Hates that he's the one to be able to lift even a little of that sadness. Wishes he'd take all of it, wrap himself up in a mantle of it and recede into the Great Dark Mist whilst choking on that sorrow, because he's the cause of half of what he soothes.
But.
It's more important that Priscilla isn't sad.
She feels weak for thinking this - for giving in - for even being grateful for his presence for a moment.
These moments, however (and Priscilla lifts her head a little just now as she's thinking this) are worth it.
Worth his presence.
She scratches lightly behind the curious fox's ear.
[This would probably be a bad time to voice some of her other thoughts on Isley... so she doesn't. Instead, she smiles a little, and nods.]
Thank you.
Being sad is very tiring. And I debated what to do with him for so long, I guess just deciding was kind of a relief. It probably would have been if I'd told him no, too.
But then I'd still be sad. Even if I were less um, stressed.
A little. Even though I asked for them because I thought Irene - um, the cat - might be a little...
[...]
...because I was a little lonely.
[She gives Irene - the warrior! - a little, kind of sheepish smile.]
A few months ago, I lost a lot of things all at once. The man I loved... and my closest friend, and... I wasn't as close to Clare or Teresa as I was to Senji and Arthur, but. They mattered to me. And then they were gone. Helen and Deneve left too, in a way.
[This would be the aforementioned loneliness? Probably. And she would wager that most of their kind feel this way - but she's a little surprised that Priscilla does.]
Many people here consider you a friend to them. It's not any consolation, is it?
And I don't mind listening. Priscilla. [I only wish I could do more than that. But she'll settle for listening.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-01-08 12:38 am (UTC)[If what he feels is a lie or not.]
You deserve better.
[And she's a little sick that you don't have it.]
no subject
Date: 2011-01-08 01:17 am (UTC)...well, isn't that the case with everyone? You never know what's in anyone's heart. Not really. All you ever really know is what they say and what you think of that.
[...]
It's funny, isn't it? Senji never said it at all, but I never doubted that he loved me, even a little. Isley says it all the time, but I can never be sure.
It's... irony? Or something like that.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-09 11:58 pm (UTC)A little, yes.
[Bending down to let Noel sniff at her hand.]
The less you doubt, the more you probably be sure of what is in their heart.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-10 04:14 am (UTC)But you know what?
[She lifts her head a little.]
I do feel a little better these days. I was sad for so long... well. I guess I'm still a little sad. But he does make me feel better most of the time, and even when he doesn't, it's more... being annoyed than being down, and that's much better.
I mean it's less depressing.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-11 01:56 am (UTC)But.
It's more important that Priscilla isn't sad.
She feels weak for thinking this - for giving in - for even being grateful for his presence for a moment.
These moments, however (and Priscilla lifts her head a little just now as she's thinking this) are worth it.
Worth his presence.
She scratches lightly behind the curious fox's ear.
What a fucked up turn of events, eh Noel?]
no subject
Date: 2011-01-11 07:14 am (UTC)[There's something there - in Irene's expressionless face. A thought, or maybe...]
[She doesn't know. Priscilla tips her head a little.]
Irene?
no subject
Date: 2011-01-11 04:27 pm (UTC)[Continuing to pet the fox as long as she'll tolerate it.]
Hm?
[Oh.]
I'm just glad something makes you less sad. Even if it is Isley.
[In a giant sea of WTF that's what matters, right? There's nothing biting in her tone, and she may as well be honest.]
no subject
Date: 2011-01-11 06:37 pm (UTC)Thank you.
Being sad is very tiring. And I debated what to do with him for so long, I guess just deciding was kind of a relief. It probably would have been if I'd told him no, too.
But then I'd still be sad. Even if I were less um, stressed.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-12 04:07 pm (UTC)You're welcome.
[Smiles, just a little. Stays her hand and rises.]
I suppose being sad for so long is much the same as being afraid. Tiring.
[Nods toward the foxes, maybe even the cat(s). It really is a small zoo in here, Priscilla.]
Do they help? With the stress?
no subject
Date: 2011-01-12 08:11 pm (UTC)[...]
...because I was a little lonely.
[She gives Irene - the warrior! - a little, kind of sheepish smile.]
A few months ago, I lost a lot of things all at once. The man I loved... and my closest friend, and... I wasn't as close to Clare or Teresa as I was to Senji and Arthur, but. They mattered to me. And then they were gone. Helen and Deneve left too, in a way.
...I lost a lot. And he came, instead.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-15 02:31 am (UTC)I imagine that would be ...devastating.
I'm sorry, Priscilla. Sorry you had to endure these things. And that you were lonely. You seem to have so many friends.
Some of it is beyond my experience entirely, and I find myself ...oh, at a loss for words.
Maybe there don't always have to be words.
[She smiles back - she's unused to it, never sure if it looks frightening or comforting. It could be either, but she hopes it''s the latter.]
no subject
Date: 2011-01-15 02:36 am (UTC)I don't.
[She doesn't explain that. Instead, she watches Irene's face.]
...thank you for coming. And listening.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-16 11:37 pm (UTC)[You don't feel as if you have many friends?]
[This would be the aforementioned loneliness? Probably. And she would wager that most of their kind feel this way - but she's a little surprised that Priscilla does.]
Many people here consider you a friend to them. It's not any consolation, is it?
And I don't mind listening. Priscilla. [I only wish I could do more than that. But she'll settle for listening.]
no subject
Date: 2011-01-18 12:09 pm (UTC)[She leans over and sets the fox down again and stands as she brushes the stray fur from her shoulder.]
There are probably more people who consider me a friend... than there are people I consider the same way.